Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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