Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
