I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize