Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
