Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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