It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
