So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
