i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
