Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
