When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
