And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
