Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
