Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
