is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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