I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
