Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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