I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
