my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Oh god it's open bar.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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