i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
