Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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