I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
