Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
