Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I didn't shave. On purpose
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
