she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
