I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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