she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
