She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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