Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
