I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
