I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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