i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
