Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
