do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So here I am, sexting at work.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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