I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
