one two three fourrrrnication!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
