oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
