I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
