I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
