remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize