At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize