I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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