So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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