dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
