he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize