so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
