That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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