he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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