can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
