Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
