Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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