And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize