Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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