I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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