wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
