i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
