in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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