Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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