just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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