ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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