the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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