you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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