last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
