I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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