how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
These tits shall not be calmed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
