I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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