ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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