If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
