either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
