if you like me you must not know who I am
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
