you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
