Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize