If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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