Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize