I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
