I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize