also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
