Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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