We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
