i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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