just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
