Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
