I bet he comes in French.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i think my cat just said my name.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
