"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im holly from the hills drunk
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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