Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
