I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
