Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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