I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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