Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
