and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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