Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
