i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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