Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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