It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
