Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
