the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
