so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
