lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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