I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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