Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
