I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
