$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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